Yours just receivedEditorial Note: This letter is not extant. that opens the way for me to mention a few things that have weighed very heavily for a long time; but first of all will meet your suggestions.
Regarding the fear to which you refer, am well aware that during my last course with you it seemed almost insurmountable, but it certainly was conquered in a measure before the class was finished, since that time there has been no special call for its manifestation. Am perfectly willing you should examine my thought so sure am I of a clear conscience and whatever of error you may detect is either the result of ignorance or inability at the present time to overcome.
As to reason for my withdrawal of advertisementEditorial Note: Susie M. Lang had been advertising as a Christian Science Practitioner in the directory of The Christian Science Journal. it is simply for the want of funds. I realize the importance of sustaining the magazine and have no desire to shrink from its support, but it has always been a principle with me to pay as I go along, that being impossible, had thought to wait Perhaps you overrate my income I am not an idler in the service, although I have not as yet seen my way clear to relinquish all my obligations at home, but a large proportion of my labor has been gratuitous.
Since studying with you have taught a class of four; did not expect any financial return from but one, although another has paid five dollarsEditorial Note: $5.00 in 1885 is the equivalent of $132.65 in 2019..
The former promised to pay me some time this month and it is for that I am waiting to cancel my indebtedness to you. Now if I had not taken those three students on charity they would not have studied at all and I felt quite sure they would make a valuable accession to our ranks.
Now, may I say a few words concerning my practice? As I look around and witness what some are doing who have studied with inferior teachers and compare their apparent success with mine, can come to but one conclusion; viz., that I am a victim to malpractice.
Mrs. Eddy, I have been as faithful upon that question as I know how to be, and yet for the past year my work has not progressed as formerly and sometimes for a moment an utter despair settles down upon me, but I rise in the strength of Omnipotence and press on. I generally satisfy myself with their thought, If this error has got to be met and conquered, no delay can make it any easier.
I speak of this in no spirit of fault-finding. I thoroughly believe the scienceEditorial Note: Christian Science as taught by your dear self, have proved it beyond a question, the manifestations of Divine power have at times been wonderful but I am not satisfied with myself or my progress and I have been trying to do the best in my power waiting for God to lead me out. I know He will sooner or later but it is so much more pleasant and satisfactory to gain the heights through understanding than experience, am striving that way.
I thank you for your kindly interest and counsel and hope by patient and persistent continuance in the service to merit your approbation.
Were it not that the work is so glorious and enchanting to me, it would be much harder to endure, but "I am persuaded that neither life nor death nor principalities nor powers nor things present nor things to come can separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our lord"Rom 8:38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Rom 8:39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.